Hey,
Feeling very dizzy. Head spinning out of control. Body started to he hot and nose starting to run. I guess I'm getting sick. Must be all the cleaning and all, must got into my system. So now I'm very sick.
I hardly get sick at all, usually once a year i just get sick. So this must be my once a year sickness. My day started as normal, i was feeling pretty much healthy. Then towards the evening, my head started to spin. And now at night body all hot. I think i forgot to shit. Must be it. Hopefully my sickness will subside tomorrow or the next day. Hate being sick. Never like being sick. That is why every morning i wake up i think to myself that I'm healthy and strong, by the power of God inside of me I am strong and healthy. And at night too. So this is Joel first time getting sick in this year.
Anyway, I'm also quite happy today too. It is because i get to see my little nephew walk on his own. It was quite short. It was slow and tiny steps. It just make me so happy to see him starting to walk. He was smiling too about it. Good job little Philip boy. Note to Sis: i didn't play with him today, so don't worry about me transferring my sickness to him, neither am i going to play with him till I'm 100% healthy. Other than that, it was a joyous time.
So that is end of my post. Another thing is that this is a schedule post. I'm actually sleeping already. So do pray for me to be healthy again.
Yours sincerely,
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Attack of OCD-ness
Hello,
My OCD-ness just kick in today. Was busy busy busy cleaning my room. I hope that i don't mess it up again. Thinking to change my outlook of the room. See what i can get from ikea. But i have to convince my mom. Man, i didn't know that i have so much dirt in the room. No wonder i don't get asthma. hehe. i could finish cleaning my room today. There is just to much stuff and stuff and stuff to clear. Worse thing is that i got to many paper everywhere and i still have old old school books. Anyone one? i can sell to you at super super low price. To my huge surprise i found my Lego collection. Hopefully i can find my Grimlock. I miss you, Grimlock. hiaz.
So tomorrow is another busy day for me. Cleaning the room. Must be like dust free. That is all i'm posting today. Nothing much happen today. Oh forgot, i went to spy on the worship practice today, and thought that i can just hang out. But to my shock-ness, one of the PA people didn't come. So i have to do it. Must be God doing or i was just there at the right time. So anyway, i'm happy to do it, cause i'll just gain more experience doing it. So that is pretty much my day.
Devotion is great. Today was more like Bible fliping session. Was just fliping and fliping, and reading stories here and there. Is so inside-ful. So i still need to finish my mission: cleaning room.
Gotcha,
My OCD-ness just kick in today. Was busy busy busy cleaning my room. I hope that i don't mess it up again. Thinking to change my outlook of the room. See what i can get from ikea. But i have to convince my mom. Man, i didn't know that i have so much dirt in the room. No wonder i don't get asthma. hehe. i could finish cleaning my room today. There is just to much stuff and stuff and stuff to clear. Worse thing is that i got to many paper everywhere and i still have old old school books. Anyone one? i can sell to you at super super low price. To my huge surprise i found my Lego collection. Hopefully i can find my Grimlock. I miss you, Grimlock. hiaz.
So tomorrow is another busy day for me. Cleaning the room. Must be like dust free. That is all i'm posting today. Nothing much happen today. Oh forgot, i went to spy on the worship practice today, and thought that i can just hang out. But to my shock-ness, one of the PA people didn't come. So i have to do it. Must be God doing or i was just there at the right time. So anyway, i'm happy to do it, cause i'll just gain more experience doing it. So that is pretty much my day.
Devotion is great. Today was more like Bible fliping session. Was just fliping and fliping, and reading stories here and there. Is so inside-ful. So i still need to finish my mission: cleaning room.
Gotcha,
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Trick or Treat
Hi,
I had a great day today. Is nice to be home alone. The peace and silent that it is offer to me. Is a great time to do my devotion at this type of time. Things just come to live. I like the peace and quiet and silent-ness that my parents are not at home. Where did they go? they went to Seremban for some kind of seminar. They are back already. But i had a very quiet day till they are back. Not that i don't like my parents, is that they like to check up on me.
So in the morning i had to send my van for repairs at ss15. Was a good drive down though. Easy traffic. But after that i don't have a car to go home, so had to take the bus home. Sad. So i waited for about 1hour for a bus. Sad. i was hungry also. Sad. But is fun. Miss sitting on the bus and seeing people sleeping here and there, people talking on the phone about their work or wife/husband or something, know that is just loud and in a angry tone. And at times seeing pretty girls too. Well today i was quite lucky to sit next to one. i didn't know her, but she wait at the bus stop too. So i sat together. And some thing in me today, just make me wanna talk. Soooo....i talk to her. Her name is Jane, didn't get a last name and was not interested to get her number too. Well we got quite a good conversation. She wasn't a Christian. The trip was short. i tell her about some stuff about God and seems so so about it. Guess she is not ready yet. And she was happy too that someone talk to her today. She had quite some stuff in her head and wanted to talk it out. She did. Don't want to share it here, is quite personal to her. She just didn't know who to share with and was depress over it. So i think God send me to talk to her and let me plant a send in her. Well as i got of the bus, i just smile at her and she smile. happy is a good thing.
That is the only thing that happen to me today. Besides Walter calling me cause he saw me at the other side of the bridge and thought why i was sitting there and why i had no car. So i explain it to him. But other than that i got nothing much happen to me today. Today i just feel at peace.
Tomorrow will be long cause i have to clean my room. My mom is beginning to make noise on that matter. And hopefully that i can get a new furniture in my room. So nighty night people.
thoughts
I had a great day today. Is nice to be home alone. The peace and silent that it is offer to me. Is a great time to do my devotion at this type of time. Things just come to live. I like the peace and quiet and silent-ness that my parents are not at home. Where did they go? they went to Seremban for some kind of seminar. They are back already. But i had a very quiet day till they are back. Not that i don't like my parents, is that they like to check up on me.
So in the morning i had to send my van for repairs at ss15. Was a good drive down though. Easy traffic. But after that i don't have a car to go home, so had to take the bus home. Sad. So i waited for about 1hour for a bus. Sad. i was hungry also. Sad. But is fun. Miss sitting on the bus and seeing people sleeping here and there, people talking on the phone about their work or wife/husband or something, know that is just loud and in a angry tone. And at times seeing pretty girls too. Well today i was quite lucky to sit next to one. i didn't know her, but she wait at the bus stop too. So i sat together. And some thing in me today, just make me wanna talk. Soooo....i talk to her. Her name is Jane, didn't get a last name and was not interested to get her number too. Well we got quite a good conversation. She wasn't a Christian. The trip was short. i tell her about some stuff about God and seems so so about it. Guess she is not ready yet. And she was happy too that someone talk to her today. She had quite some stuff in her head and wanted to talk it out. She did. Don't want to share it here, is quite personal to her. She just didn't know who to share with and was depress over it. So i think God send me to talk to her and let me plant a send in her. Well as i got of the bus, i just smile at her and she smile. happy is a good thing.
That is the only thing that happen to me today. Besides Walter calling me cause he saw me at the other side of the bridge and thought why i was sitting there and why i had no car. So i explain it to him. But other than that i got nothing much happen to me today. Today i just feel at peace.
Tomorrow will be long cause i have to clean my room. My mom is beginning to make noise on that matter. And hopefully that i can get a new furniture in my room. So nighty night people.
thoughts
Monday, October 27, 2008
Words Could Not Express
Hi,
Think to myself today that it is going to be quite a interesting day for me. So it start at 10am wake up. Today was suppose to send the van for some minor repairs. But it turns out to be not open cause today is a public holiday, Deepavail. So i have to drop David at home and Jay too. And David to pick me up later. Then it was not open and i try to get David not to come to ss15 but it was to late. So we two decided to just eat breakfast at a coffee shop near by. And then just go home after that.
Thought i would receive a call from Jay, whether he wanted to eat with me and David. But turns no calls. So went home and just sleep till it was time to go for Acts 2:42 in Aunt Jolene house. Had a late lunch at Aunt Jolene house. The meeting is to discuss some stuff and planning. It ended quite early thought i could go for basketball. But they had something cook up for me. jay and David kidnap me, blind fold me and drove around in USJ 16. It was quite easy to tell that i was still in USJ 16 cause of the many turns, and 'short traffic light stops' and going quite slow. But it was fun. They drove me around for 15minutes. And make me walk blind folded. Enter into the house and i had to do some test. Which Jay just cook up in the last minute. It was to eat cat food. But i insist no. So it end up to just lick the cat food. Which taste and smell bad. Gross. So why did they do this to me. Cause they would like to appreciated me for all the hidden effort i done in church and in peoples lives. Which I'm truly deeply touch. My heart was melting with the words of appreciation came out from their mouths. Thank you guys, I'm will remember today. The only set back was i already know what they going to do to me already. haha. Cause i think that Zach Siow accidentally send me a email on this. I was so tempted to read it and yes i fall into it. But I'm truly bless with the people I'm around with. Even though i know the plan but i still like it. It was still a great surprise to me. Again, Thank you guys.
I had fun. And enjoy myself a lot. Besides that, today i went to cybercafe for the first time in a long drought since every one stop playing Dota and all. So today just went there to play Dota, i know it is a old game. But old games are at times still fun. 1 win and 1 lost. Just a game. =) I enjoy myself there, it was fun and the experience there is quite different. Like people really blast their speakers and it is so hard to heard the person next to me speak and is just different. Can't explain, go there yourself. hehe. Went to Old Town, to eat supper and then came home.
Today is a good day. Been bless by people. And had fun. And make other people laugh. Mission complete for today.
A smile today, keeps the sadness away,
Think to myself today that it is going to be quite a interesting day for me. So it start at 10am wake up. Today was suppose to send the van for some minor repairs. But it turns out to be not open cause today is a public holiday, Deepavail. So i have to drop David at home and Jay too. And David to pick me up later. Then it was not open and i try to get David not to come to ss15 but it was to late. So we two decided to just eat breakfast at a coffee shop near by. And then just go home after that.
Thought i would receive a call from Jay, whether he wanted to eat with me and David. But turns no calls. So went home and just sleep till it was time to go for Acts 2:42 in Aunt Jolene house. Had a late lunch at Aunt Jolene house. The meeting is to discuss some stuff and planning. It ended quite early thought i could go for basketball. But they had something cook up for me. jay and David kidnap me, blind fold me and drove around in USJ 16. It was quite easy to tell that i was still in USJ 16 cause of the many turns, and 'short traffic light stops' and going quite slow. But it was fun. They drove me around for 15minutes. And make me walk blind folded. Enter into the house and i had to do some test. Which Jay just cook up in the last minute. It was to eat cat food. But i insist no. So it end up to just lick the cat food. Which taste and smell bad. Gross. So why did they do this to me. Cause they would like to appreciated me for all the hidden effort i done in church and in peoples lives. Which I'm truly deeply touch. My heart was melting with the words of appreciation came out from their mouths. Thank you guys, I'm will remember today. The only set back was i already know what they going to do to me already. haha. Cause i think that Zach Siow accidentally send me a email on this. I was so tempted to read it and yes i fall into it. But I'm truly bless with the people I'm around with. Even though i know the plan but i still like it. It was still a great surprise to me. Again, Thank you guys.
I had fun. And enjoy myself a lot. Besides that, today i went to cybercafe for the first time in a long drought since every one stop playing Dota and all. So today just went there to play Dota, i know it is a old game. But old games are at times still fun. 1 win and 1 lost. Just a game. =) I enjoy myself there, it was fun and the experience there is quite different. Like people really blast their speakers and it is so hard to heard the person next to me speak and is just different. Can't explain, go there yourself. hehe. Went to Old Town, to eat supper and then came home.
Today is a good day. Been bless by people. And had fun. And make other people laugh. Mission complete for today.
A smile today, keeps the sadness away,
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Jam Pack!!
Hey,
Church day today. It was great and always fulfilling. I started out by not wake up to the alarm but to my in build body alarm. And i knew is going to be a great day. When to church, very thing turn out good. Pretty happy, how Gavin did the PA. In though there was some small hiccups with the speakers but all is good. Uncle Henry preaching was also very detail and easily to understand. Can't really remember much. But is good. Note to Joel Toh: please do yourself a flavor and start taking down notes during sermon. Anyway after service was sword class. And is life trek 2. It talks about very important issues that this world are asking from us Christians. Today topic is about "who is the devil". Even though i learn this in Tung Ling. But is good to be reminded again. Good stuff. I would be deeply be encourage went the youth start attending Sword class. Cause it helps build your foundation in Jesus Christ. You learn things that will build your faith. And it would be easier for you to talk about Jesus Christ to your friends. Fun time.
Then after church, when to Rock Cafe with some of us. And had a quite a good conversation. After that when to basketball. Basketball was so hot. At 4pm it was still sunny and blazing hot. Uncle Phua say that day was about 40°C. Till like 530pm and it started to be much cooler. I really enjoy today's basketball. Cause a old friend today came. And i think my game have sought of improve. One think i remember in basketball was i did a ankle breaker on Prabu(the ice-cream man) and score. i was so happy. And i mark him deep till he can't even get a single ball on his hands(i know what you guys are think, horny monkeys). Play till 730pm, guess that everyone was tired, must be the weather. hehe is funny. Rain we complain, hot also complain. Man we are to temped. Oh well, nothing that can really control the weather, unless we are all pray for the same thing, cool weather and cloudy. =)
So my parents were not around today and tomorrow cause they are going to Seremban to go for some kind of seminar. So home alone. besides that, i had no dinner and i ask Zack Mok whether he want go Murni, he wanted but the others don't want. So it was just the two of us. In the end we decide to go for ipoh chicken rice in ss15. So i thought to myself, think that it would be a date today. It turns out, Not. I receive a call at 740pm from David and David also say that his parents are also not around. So he wanted to join us too. Then David also told me that Daniel was home alone and just take him out. So in the end it turns out 4 people. hehe. After the dinner, Me, David and Daniel went to Parade just for a walk. Cause we were waiting for Jay to finish his dinner with his parents. So we went to the Nike store and to Toy 'R' Us. walk till all the shops close. And it was still early like 945pm. So went to suku, for a small supper, with Jay and KJ. Watching football is exciting and boring at the same time. Some times i thing that football should at a new element to the game, which is fighting. Since football player like to rant to the other player, they should fight. It makes the game even more exciting and people would bet more. hehe.
Lastly my day end with Jay, David and me coming to my place to watch a movie. We watch 'Snatch', actor Brad Pitt and other famous actors. Is quite a good film. It has it laughs and serious. Not bad. My day ended at 2am. Which i was super super tired. i couldn't up my eye after the show. That is why i couldn't post this up yet in time. So here you go.
Records,
Church day today. It was great and always fulfilling. I started out by not wake up to the alarm but to my in build body alarm. And i knew is going to be a great day. When to church, very thing turn out good. Pretty happy, how Gavin did the PA. In though there was some small hiccups with the speakers but all is good. Uncle Henry preaching was also very detail and easily to understand. Can't really remember much. But is good. Note to Joel Toh: please do yourself a flavor and start taking down notes during sermon. Anyway after service was sword class. And is life trek 2. It talks about very important issues that this world are asking from us Christians. Today topic is about "who is the devil". Even though i learn this in Tung Ling. But is good to be reminded again. Good stuff. I would be deeply be encourage went the youth start attending Sword class. Cause it helps build your foundation in Jesus Christ. You learn things that will build your faith. And it would be easier for you to talk about Jesus Christ to your friends. Fun time.
Then after church, when to Rock Cafe with some of us. And had a quite a good conversation. After that when to basketball. Basketball was so hot. At 4pm it was still sunny and blazing hot. Uncle Phua say that day was about 40°C. Till like 530pm and it started to be much cooler. I really enjoy today's basketball. Cause a old friend today came. And i think my game have sought of improve. One think i remember in basketball was i did a ankle breaker on Prabu(the ice-cream man) and score. i was so happy. And i mark him deep till he can't even get a single ball on his hands(i know what you guys are think, horny monkeys). Play till 730pm, guess that everyone was tired, must be the weather. hehe is funny. Rain we complain, hot also complain. Man we are to temped. Oh well, nothing that can really control the weather, unless we are all pray for the same thing, cool weather and cloudy. =)
So my parents were not around today and tomorrow cause they are going to Seremban to go for some kind of seminar. So home alone. besides that, i had no dinner and i ask Zack Mok whether he want go Murni, he wanted but the others don't want. So it was just the two of us. In the end we decide to go for ipoh chicken rice in ss15. So i thought to myself, think that it would be a date today. It turns out, Not. I receive a call at 740pm from David and David also say that his parents are also not around. So he wanted to join us too. Then David also told me that Daniel was home alone and just take him out. So in the end it turns out 4 people. hehe. After the dinner, Me, David and Daniel went to Parade just for a walk. Cause we were waiting for Jay to finish his dinner with his parents. So we went to the Nike store and to Toy 'R' Us. walk till all the shops close. And it was still early like 945pm. So went to suku, for a small supper, with Jay and KJ. Watching football is exciting and boring at the same time. Some times i thing that football should at a new element to the game, which is fighting. Since football player like to rant to the other player, they should fight. It makes the game even more exciting and people would bet more. hehe.
Lastly my day end with Jay, David and me coming to my place to watch a movie. We watch 'Snatch', actor Brad Pitt and other famous actors. Is quite a good film. It has it laughs and serious. Not bad. My day ended at 2am. Which i was super super tired. i couldn't up my eye after the show. That is why i couldn't post this up yet in time. So here you go.
Records,
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Swift Moment
Dello,
I had a great day today. Thank You, God for another great and awesome day. The weather was so good that it didn't rain at all. And i woke up early to play some great great basketball. Playing outside my house has become a norm for me, and people are starting to remember me. Like the aunts, who do the line dancing and some neighborhood kids too. The people that see me daily think that i don't go to school, so they give me that look. Like why is this kid so naughty, never see him go to school. Oh well, i just smile and continue doing my training anyway. Is great playing in the morning. It makes me feel so healthy and my face skin even look nicer. Hehe. Is great meeting kids in the morning to play with sometimes. These kid are like 11-15 years old. And the good things is they still call me "Brother" in Chinese. So these kids has become my daily trainees. Is good to see kids wanting to play good basketball and be a head on the game.
Everyday if i see them, they will be so excited to know more stuff on basketball. Want to know how to shoot, pass, dribble and etc. The passion in them, just brings back the passion in me again(not that it die but more than before). And the slight down side is that they believe in me. Not that I'm lying to them. Okay the story beings with them asking me whether i would make it to the NBA or EURO, that they see on TV. And i told them that i would one day. Do you see. I'm giving them faults hopes, they see me as their role-model. And what if i don't make it to the NBA or EURO. I told them another things is that don't except. Cause it can let you down. But they continue to give me that smiley face of theirs and play on. Is great, really great.
Hopefully there will be a day that i will tell them about Jesus(or they are already Christian). Who is my role-model? Many do not know. The role-model that i mostly follow his ways are Michael Jordan. He is the one that inspired me to play this game. I know he isn't a Christian. But i like the attitude that he always give out which is passion. I'm a type of person that will give out a 100% to everything. No half-hearted in anything i do. I want to deliver the best in any situation that i have to perform. I got other role-models. Michael Jordan is one of them. I know that i don't move like MJ or talk like MJ or whatever MJ. But the attitude that i see. He is the one that make wanna keep on moving forward. WOW
So i hope that i be the strong leader for these kids i know in USJ 11. Hope i be a great role-model for them. Time to sing the "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley. hehe.
Love Life,
I had a great day today. Thank You, God for another great and awesome day. The weather was so good that it didn't rain at all. And i woke up early to play some great great basketball. Playing outside my house has become a norm for me, and people are starting to remember me. Like the aunts, who do the line dancing and some neighborhood kids too. The people that see me daily think that i don't go to school, so they give me that look. Like why is this kid so naughty, never see him go to school. Oh well, i just smile and continue doing my training anyway. Is great playing in the morning. It makes me feel so healthy and my face skin even look nicer. Hehe. Is great meeting kids in the morning to play with sometimes. These kid are like 11-15 years old. And the good things is they still call me "Brother" in Chinese. So these kids has become my daily trainees. Is good to see kids wanting to play good basketball and be a head on the game.
Everyday if i see them, they will be so excited to know more stuff on basketball. Want to know how to shoot, pass, dribble and etc. The passion in them, just brings back the passion in me again(not that it die but more than before). And the slight down side is that they believe in me. Not that I'm lying to them. Okay the story beings with them asking me whether i would make it to the NBA or EURO, that they see on TV. And i told them that i would one day. Do you see. I'm giving them faults hopes, they see me as their role-model. And what if i don't make it to the NBA or EURO. I told them another things is that don't except. Cause it can let you down. But they continue to give me that smiley face of theirs and play on. Is great, really great.
Hopefully there will be a day that i will tell them about Jesus(or they are already Christian). Who is my role-model? Many do not know. The role-model that i mostly follow his ways are Michael Jordan. He is the one that inspired me to play this game. I know he isn't a Christian. But i like the attitude that he always give out which is passion. I'm a type of person that will give out a 100% to everything. No half-hearted in anything i do. I want to deliver the best in any situation that i have to perform. I got other role-models. Michael Jordan is one of them. I know that i don't move like MJ or talk like MJ or whatever MJ. But the attitude that i see. He is the one that make wanna keep on moving forward. WOW
So i hope that i be the strong leader for these kids i know in USJ 11. Hope i be a great role-model for them. Time to sing the "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley. hehe.
Love Life,
CopyCat
Hi,
Guitar Hero copycat this show "Risky Business"
Acted by Tom Cruise
This one is Kobe Bryant, Alex Rodriguez, Michael Phelps, and Tony Hawk
Just for laughs
Enjoy
Guitar Hero copycat this show "Risky Business"
Acted by Tom Cruise
This one is Kobe Bryant, Alex Rodriguez, Michael Phelps, and Tony Hawk
Just for laughs
Enjoy
Friday, October 24, 2008
Dots
Hi,
My time is up. Everyday i think to myself, my purpose of living is to give glory to God. Things in my mind are beginning to make me crazy. A psychotic person i have become. Every person i turn to have face the other direction. They hide away. What real-ness i am be. I wish at times that death be faster on me. Leaving this world is good enough for me. Wishing to murder myself is such a ugly scene. I shall not do it, is such a ugly scene to do it. People around me will cry if i do it. Truly i have become schizophrenic. There to many things speaking in my head. I can't take it no more. I'm not healthy in the head. Seeing to much imagines is scary enough, it has become to real.
At times wish that all this is not real. I want to live myself. Every day i pass by myself sitting in the tree with a swing singing "ring a ring a roses". Scarring myself. What have i become? I want to live a tale behind me. I want people speaking of me. What have i become? Think of God and me seems so peaceful and real. Is like i can almost touch God. His cloths is soft as silk. His presences, destroying the darkness with His glory. To real, to real. What i have become? to think that i have no friends. Have i care for him/her the same as myself? Have i not share my life with you? have i give? have i help? What have i become?
This world spinning around me. It seems not real at all. Life seems so hard. And others is easy. Seeing what I'm not suppose to see, has been seen. My brain cells are not connecting with each other no more. Cause they love each other no more. The cells has a brain of itself. My heart beat, beats at every second. The seconds go by. Till it sounds like techno music. My eyes are scanning every person i see. What they truly made off? my hands and legs move, till it can move on it's own. My stomach has a mind of it's own. It tells me when it's hungry or thirsty. Going to toilet to pee or shit never seems so exhausting. Many times in my life i thought that I'm in the matrix. I'm willing to be plug out. And live a real life.
I guess this is a real life, where i can't run from. I can't change the past. Is only the present and the future. Living life. Can't get into comfort in life. Always on your toes. Like cling for dear life. I'm a unit, ready for war. Like Jason Bourne, always running to know his true identity. I'm searching to succeed in life. I must. destiny awaits for me. I shall walk through my mountain. And shall not be over come by the mountain. I will take what is rightfully mine. Life. Thank you God. Just speaking my heart out. clear mind.
My time is up. Everyday i think to myself, my purpose of living is to give glory to God. Things in my mind are beginning to make me crazy. A psychotic person i have become. Every person i turn to have face the other direction. They hide away. What real-ness i am be. I wish at times that death be faster on me. Leaving this world is good enough for me. Wishing to murder myself is such a ugly scene. I shall not do it, is such a ugly scene to do it. People around me will cry if i do it. Truly i have become schizophrenic. There to many things speaking in my head. I can't take it no more. I'm not healthy in the head. Seeing to much imagines is scary enough, it has become to real.
At times wish that all this is not real. I want to live myself. Every day i pass by myself sitting in the tree with a swing singing "ring a ring a roses". Scarring myself. What have i become? I want to live a tale behind me. I want people speaking of me. What have i become? Think of God and me seems so peaceful and real. Is like i can almost touch God. His cloths is soft as silk. His presences, destroying the darkness with His glory. To real, to real. What i have become? to think that i have no friends. Have i care for him/her the same as myself? Have i not share my life with you? have i give? have i help? What have i become?
This world spinning around me. It seems not real at all. Life seems so hard. And others is easy. Seeing what I'm not suppose to see, has been seen. My brain cells are not connecting with each other no more. Cause they love each other no more. The cells has a brain of itself. My heart beat, beats at every second. The seconds go by. Till it sounds like techno music. My eyes are scanning every person i see. What they truly made off? my hands and legs move, till it can move on it's own. My stomach has a mind of it's own. It tells me when it's hungry or thirsty. Going to toilet to pee or shit never seems so exhausting. Many times in my life i thought that I'm in the matrix. I'm willing to be plug out. And live a real life.
I guess this is a real life, where i can't run from. I can't change the past. Is only the present and the future. Living life. Can't get into comfort in life. Always on your toes. Like cling for dear life. I'm a unit, ready for war. Like Jason Bourne, always running to know his true identity. I'm searching to succeed in life. I must. destiny awaits for me. I shall walk through my mountain. And shall not be over come by the mountain. I will take what is rightfully mine. Life. Thank you God. Just speaking my heart out. clear mind.
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