The Unalterable Conclusion

Whispers of November Morning appear to me in a late night dream. November has arrive to haunt me twice. How frightful of me have become worsen by cold. I want to cherish the moment of summer warm but the effects of chill has awaken. The slumber has become my dear friend and waking my worse enemy. The days are numbered as I has realize. The days I see ahead of me is waiting to be foretold. I do not dare to be known of this. Scare I tell myself each day. The horror of lessons to be learn has result in many heartaches. I cannot see myself no more I tell in me. Wishing this cup would pass me. Day by day, I wake up to damper spirit. Wishing not carry this burned in me no more. Thinking to myself, a hot sprinkle water could wash away my depress little spirit on mine. Impossible it became. The day goes on. And on. Putting a fake smile to tell the world that I'm pretty alright. Yet sad in heart. I go on my day with a whole much of heartache that I never knew I had.

Pretty white rooms I see each hour with many blue seats that are countless to tell. Color shirts and color hairs I watch pass by every time I sit in my tiny blue seat. Endless chatter I hear in every corner of the room even I participate in this ritual. Running ideas going through my head as fast as my mouth can speak. Silences. Silences. Once a person walks to the desk. The chatter stops. No sound. Only echo of silences around the room. A projection appears in every few minutes. Words inside a rectangular perimeter having some pictures telling of important information that is needed to be known. Scribble. Scribble. All I hear is scribbling. Sheets of paper running through and through. Rushing ink pacing down the lined sheet of paper. Words of knowledge coming from the person in front. Important the person tells. Important must be. Everyone and I are dieing in the person every breath of words that are need to be known to succeed in each term paper. Scary I become.

The clock strike its own hour. Break arrive. No earlier. No sooner. The ritual of chatter once again begin. The person disappear. People moving in and out of the pretty white room. Seats empty and filled. I left to be some where else.

Words racing in my head as I zoom down the corridor. Words of knowledge. Words that I learn. Words I needed to keep. Headache appear to silent my mind up. Pain. Pain I can think about.

The motion of repeating the same pattern each day has become numbing to me. I do not remember myself. I have lose myself to learning. What have I become. The growing sadness in me has become a tree of depression. My mind has become a slave to education. All I know to do is to see screens and remember words in a rectangular perimeter. My tears have become real to me. Reality it seems. Results of test I have taken is not clearly as I want it to be. Tears is only what I know what to do now. Heartaches. Heartaches. I can tell a countless story of it.

Whispers of November Morning has bring great realization to me. I have to continue pushing forward to succeed. My burdens I place upon thee Lord Jesus Christ. I change my focus now. I look a upon You for my hope. You can cure of my pain that I want to glorify you with. My results is your gain and not mine. My life is a tool for You and none mine to keep. Nothing that I do alone by myself is ever greater compare to Your ever lasting strength.

Be my Redeemer. My Savior. My Great Shepherd. My Big Brother. My King. My Lover.

November Whisper has let me know to push on and press forward. Awake I tell myself. Open your eyes. Almost there. Fight to the end. Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not in your know understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path."

I hear the prayers I receive from you all. Do continue to pray for me. Keep me in your prayer. I too have kept you in prayer close to my heart. I need those prayers. It has help me to be focus in class; yet, helps me to go on working hard.

Love.

The Days Are Numbered

Hi

My studies so far has been very exciting.

struggling

is

the

word

i would like to use.

Even though

I'm

on

top of my studies.

Making sure

that

i do the necessary work and studies.

But

the

result

is not

fair.

I do not know why

i ask my teachers

and

they only can do so much for me

help

is

what i need

heart broken with my studies

i have become.

do

pray

for

me

each prayer do counted.

i'm worried that i would not finish this semester

with

good

results

in which

i might need to retake some classes

especially

biology.

heart broken i have become with my studies.

pain,

The Long Awaited Heart Attack

Hello

I have broken my promise that i have not posted here for awhile

however

I would like to start doing it again

but

i will start posting everyday maybe next year.

This semester for me is a hard one.

i'm less focus than my other semester

I'm not sure why

and

to huge surprise for it.

School work has been tough on me.

I'm worry that i might need

to

repeat

one

class

next

semester.

Biology.

I like biology

but is the memorization

which

is

tough.

I want you guys to pray for me

especially

my

studies.

I need my focus back again from God.

I guess this year

i have not been a good disciple

of

Jesus

by not

spending my

time

with the

love of

my life.

Jesus Christ.

He is the one that helps me through everything.

From thick and thin.

Having a

relationship with

Jesus Christ

is

totally

worth it

Having total trust and faith and

relationship with Him

will

bring

the blessing

that God wants in your life.

Between about my studies.

I guess

i'm

doing fine

school life here is quite alright

there is nothing to shout about here

friends here are not as deep as my you guys back in Malaysia.

How i miss you guys.

Tell you the truth

each day

at least

one or two

of your

names

come out

and i decide to pray for you here and then.

also the things that we did together.

in

basketball

church

drive around

McD

movies

etc

love

miss you.

I hope to post some more in the future

but for sure

next

semester

i will

post

everyday.

till

then

nighty

night.

love,

The Pokes of Funny Bone

Hey

i'm doing pretty alright

i'm hanging around on my studies. Making sure i'm on my work.

College life has really taken it's toll on me. Studies.

There is so much to do yet so little time. No time for myself.

My relationship with God has been quite good.

i'm keeping myself to remember as much scripture as i can.

(at least 2-3 verses each 2-3 days)

i'm trying to read several books in the bible in a day.

My thoughts.

i wish i could have more.

more goodness in my life.

i guess that i just miss people back home.

i realize that i do not make friends but people introduce me.

i'm good with names and faces but not a good conversationalist.

i'm either too serious or too funny.

emo.

what do i have to offer in this world?

love?

i want to do so much

but people do not receive it

?

i have one say

God loves you

=)

Focus,

The Zars in One Life.

September. The autumn leafs are falling around oneself. Some bright. Some dark. Some mixture in color. One has feel to oneself the lost in fall year because winter is near to come. Everyday goes by like a swift sunny beam. My eye's shaded by swoosh one has on his face. Winter calls near how gloomy the days goes by now.

The wonderland one used to dream about has become vapor to vapor. Nothing. Unreal one has become. The sleep one has not be deep rest. The bed a raging wave. Toss and Turn. The eye does not shut because eye's worry to much. Staring at the ceiling wanting this month to disappear. A dreadful wake to unfruitful beginnings. The showers for one use love has shattered in ten minute sprinkle.

Meals that come so fast are wish to stay to have more. The every hour that ticks closer to minute of lecture just bring an undesired to know. Blue one sees every fifteen minutes. Bus arrive at the destinate point. Faces. Faces. Faces. Painted in mix emotion. The happy. The sad. The blur. Swing left and right the ride goes right and left. How one's wish this day, this semester, would be any happier.

Every lecture one's goes is all do this and that. The joy has cut loose. Only more slavery to books and reports and tests has one seen with one's two eyes. Dreadful. Dreadful. Dreadful. The joy has lost it's way. Not know how to return to one's heart. Every power within one has been used up to put a smile on one's face for each person pass by.

The hours and time put in to class has not paid off it's due. The mind has gone weary because fun has not arrive. How one wish for hugs and kiss of a close one. Wish for beautiful yellow hair person to notice one interest. Only time is what the opposite gender want. One wish for so much to want to have. Yet one must uphold temptations.

One cannot take this no more. One wants school to be over and done with. How sad. How sad. One has become. The care in one's heart has vaporize. One has become nothing to know one. The name of one has no more known. Only sadness remains. One with to be more...Love is desire one wants.

One only knows one thing. Only one thing. That God love one. Tears one cry each day. Tears.

Not Myself.

Hey world,

Sorry, for i have not kept my promise in starting to blog in September. I have been very busy of late since i got back here in States.

I have a crazy class schedule that is very hard to keep up. My advice is to not take philosophy, theology and biology in one semester. It is a real head banger. The amount of books that i have to read is insane.

Side note, my philosophy class is kinda cool. Get to watch matrix. Apparently, there is some philosophy behind the action and drama.

Other than academics, i guess i have been pretty alright. Nothing much to share about except studies.

I just want you guys to pray for me this semester. I have a lot in my hands and i do not know whether i can handle it. Pray that i have total focus on my studies that i would be diligent and discipline in reading the material and doing the work.

Pray also for my walk with God. I feel very down for not doing it as how i do it last time. I'm just doing 10 minutes with Him and not giving God, His right to minister to me. Pray for me.

I think i would try to blog every week. and If i have time every day. but till then nighty night.

hiaz,

The Fallen Blog

Hey,

I'm back since not blogging for two months. Nothing much happen within the 2 months. I was basically been working odd jobs, hanging out with friends and family, and doing church stuff.

I'm not sure whether i would continue to blog everyday but will think about it. =)

I'm waiting for August to end, so i can start blogging on September (is just a rule that i made to myself).

Anyway, i'm back at the states here. Safely. It took me three days of flying from Malaysia to US. I did not really enjoy this trip back here. Well KLM was a bit crappy compare to Delta (even though the companies are working together).

When i got back here, it was down to business already. The school require all the prayer leaders, SLD (Spiritual Life Director) and RA (Residential Assistants) to be back early to go for seminars. The seminars are to bring the 'us' into focus on the school spiritual vision. And us, leaders, to help move in new students (freshmen) to their dorms.

The seminars are pretty alright. Nothing much to shout about it.

My semester this year is going to be very hard because i got at least 6 books to read. All of them, i have to do a book report. The worse thing for me is my Bio class where i have to memories like trillion things. Do pray for me alright to have total focus and understand.

Oh the school has recognize my hard work that now i'm in the dean list's for such excellence work. =)

Okay, so catch me around in September. Give me some time to get into focus and organize up my time here and everything. Until then night night.

Rising,

The Scary Moment Comes True

Hey,

Saturday.

The last day of discovery day. I had to get up early today because i have to pick up some kids in PJ. I drove down to pick Pat at the church. We went together to pick up the kids in PJ. Just wanted someone to follow me down.

Today's discovery days was quite good. I had a great time with the kids. There was quite a lot of fun stuff to do.

Once discovery days is over at late afternoon around 5pm, i had to drop the kids back at PJ.

So happy driving back the kids. Going out to Subang to PJ. I made an accident. It was quite a scary accident.

I was trying to cut out to the right lane and another car was coming into my lane on the left. So we collided with that car on the right side and mine on the left. I bang on kancil. After that accident, my van spin out 90 degrees. My van was blocking three lanes.

I thank God that there was no other car involve; however, one motorcyclist was not so fortunate. He bang into my van.

I thank God that his injuries was not very bad. He just have a minor fracture on his right hand.

So we that were involve of the accident, got together and discuss the situation. We all decided to make a police report.

Walter follow me to the police station. The police was very understanding and were quick with their duty.

First we went to the police station near Pyramid then we went down to USJ 8 police station. Headquarter. Over there, we had to talk with a detective about this accident. A proper investigation. Everything was done by 9ish pm.

I had to help out the motorcyclist motorbike because his bike cannot drive anymore. So i put his bike in my van. So i had to bring that motorcyclist bike to his own mechanic.

After that me and Walter went for dinner.

I came back like 10pm. I got a major firing from my dad.

Tomorrow is a long day for me. I will be going to do a lot of work.

Sad times,