Heyo people,
is been nearly two years of my life Gone. But none really gone, just more of bumming. i have to say that this two years have been a lot of surprises for me. I think God has mold me really hard till i'm quite sensitive towards Him. i believe that God is directing my paths in what He wants me to do for Him. Is hard to explain to you fellas. Two years was also quite 'stress' for me. (i know many of you must be saying know 'Joel stress, BULLSHIT!!!) wait la, i haven't finish my lines. 'Stress' because i need to get into a school quick. And i'm being to get quite sick with people saying 'So when are you going to US' or 'Are you in College?'. i did my best to get into college. But i can't cause is always not enough credits. Not enough credits in what i want to study in. which is very 'stressful'
Sometime i been think, what happens if i don't get into a school which means i have to go into ministry school. And be the youngest pastor to come out with PHD in ministry. (i do not want to this cause is not calling yet for me and i believe He will come me into it when He thinks i'm ready for it). But to think of it i won't get even expose to the worldly world, where people will toughed me up. And i can't get good advise about how they should live their lifes. So that is one of the bad things of being a young pastor. So How?
Many has tell me to study here but here don't have my course. Then people say study in Australia, then i'll say i'll think about it. Then people say study ADP or AUP, and i say yeap will do that but i try and they say not enough credits cause all ADP or AUp courses will accept people with the minimun of five credits. Hiaz...sometime i think that i could do better in school. If only i was a smart boy, if only, if only, if only can go on forever. I wish that money could drop from the sky like rain everyday. can't take it la. Hope things can become easy for me. Seeing every one growing up and soon or later i'm going to be left behind and my world be small and lonely, luckyly that i'm a christian, people that care for each and other. In this two years i thought of ******G *****f but God stop me. i feel so useless, i'm only useful in church. The things i want to study is so hard to find here or that school is just to expensive. So what i want to study
1.Kinesiology(sport all in this department)
2.interior design
3.Architecture
4.sound engieering
5.carpenter
6.computers(i don't really know much in computers)
7.this is really the last resort, Ministry.
So much perssure is on me now, i'm beginning to feel it all over again. i know i have told to many of you that i already got a place in a University in Virginia in USA. But is only study probation. Which is good and bad at the same time. Cause the bad part first, which is i fail then i'm going to fly back here and everyone is going to step on me. (i know many of you won't). the Good, if i pass i will have bright future ahead of me. i will have many sholarships waiting and i will definitely have a great time there. BUT see there is a big BUT. BUT my parents want me to study here as like a study probation thingy and then transfer there. So my parents are making a big HUHA over it, ask the Uni in US to give a permission letter to study here and hopefully the credits are transferable. Another big HUHA is to study back into school again to get 5 credits again. which i'm like **** emo about it. What to do if i have only 4 credits. Sometime i just want to ***l *****f. If only, if only, if only.....stress la. Many say pray, yea pray, pray but no action also problem still there maybe just less. If God wants me to go US and study there, then the way there should be fine. If God wants me there, then i'll go. Life is hard. And hard gets going.
Sometimes i feel that my ******s should help me financially, don't need to pay all just help out. somtimes i wish education should come free where people are just willing to teach one and other.
like last time, where people just teach each other like internship. Like if you need to know how to repair shoes, so you go to a shoe maker, but in return you must teach something to the shoe maker, something that you know very well. I wish that education would be easy. Like if you want to study that course, is ok as long you have the money to pay the course, no need to look at your grades. If someone is instersted in something, he would study hard for it and i believe that person would make a differents in whatever department he studys on. The education system shouldn't look at your highschool grades in order for you to get into the course. it should be like from kindergarten to primary school to highschool to college to university. In the end we all going to work. So why from highschool to college, where people need to see your results whether you are good to study in this course. Is just plain BULLSHIT. Education is something that is easy for people to study.
i'm just stress la, hate this world, you can't even offer me anything back that is worth living. No, thank you for air you give me, in the end you just pollute it again. No, thanks for the water, in the end is also as much polluted. World you have nothing to offer me, Only one person can which is GOD. He is the only person i can only rely on. Only person i trust. Only person to have been so faithful to me. World you are just rubbish. You are not helping the people, is always you, you, you.
dieing here,
