Hi,
My day is busy. Wake up and straight see the doctor. Had to do some check up again. Cause this is for my participation in the Liberty(my college). They had to make sure that I'm health and capable in doing the training and so on so on. So went to the doctor and had the check up and he will write a report on my health. So far I'm strong as a Human being can be. After that my day just die down of boredom. Cause my desktop computer has just crash. I don't know why. What did i do to deserve this treatment. i don't download porn, i don't go to porn sites. i check the file before download. i make sure that i download the correct size. I use it to play games and download. I don't even use for work. Why it has to crash. If virus also i make sure i flush it out. Don't know. I'm not a computer expert, how should i know these things. Help me save my computer please.
In the night, i went to ignite, hoping it to be a great time of prayer. It turns out, okay, not bad. Is just added worship into prayer meeting. So not much a different. Prayer meeting(this is my point of view) where we just pray, maybe a few guided prayers, but other that that i should just come out from our hearts. Feel what the spirit is telling us to prayer. Worship is just a bonus into prayer. (this is just my point of view, so don't get angry). But so every any God meeting is always a new experiences. Well is good to see quite a lot of people attending prayer meetings now. Is good to see this, that people want to move together in God's plan and to reach that Goal. Hopeful to see next time that the whole church attending prayer meetings, worship practice, sword class, and any sort of God meetings. Maybe i shouldn't attend ignite with expectations of humans doing but to expect God to be there always. So every time i go i always a new experiences.
Have to prepare Word for this Friday. Thinking of what should i discuss about. Love, BGR, Emo, Hate, Studies, God, Satan, and Gifts. Thinking about it. Well hope i can deliver a good message to my life group members. I always think back that did i give a good message? and have they think about it through out the week and do it? Well is their choice to make. I think all my Word will be Bible studies. I believe that life groups should be a place where we do bible studies and understand God better. So we can have a strong foundation in God's Word. I love bible studies is shows a whole new meaning to the scriptures. Anyway is God decision. =)
Besides all that, after Ignite, went out with David, Jay, and Suzanne. Have a lot of bunch of topics to talk about. (not going to type it). In that talk, i felt left out so much. i guess i haven't been hang out with them a lot. And they have so much to talk to each other and i just sit there and listen, even i want to say so thing is not really been heard. Is it me or my self-centered-ness? Some times i just feel that should i hang out with anyone anymore, should i? i know I'm emoing now. Don't know la. If i have no friends, and friends say that "I'm not his friend". I'm okay with it, if God wants me to have no friends, is okay with me. As long i follow God and God's will, and God's Word. At times i wonder, I'm i a person that people want to follow, I'm i a person that people look up at, I'm i a person that people want to be mentor be me. What I'm i to the people? i think i have lost my image. Is it that I'm not personal with my friends that i don't share my personal life issues. I guess I'm breaking down. I'm i to shallow with people. Is it that i have become a nobody. Sometimes i felt that i should just leave, just to see how people will react to my absences. Yea, i full of random shit talk and actions. Joel is not serious at all. I'm not real with people is it? Not that i want special treatment or what. Is that i can see that things has change. Looks like for me i have to move on forward and forget about it. Only God knows and He will set my path for me to take. I don't need to be into the loop in anything, i just have to be myself. I can say that God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit are truly my real friends.
If i receive calls tomorrow that means you people must be reading my blog. You see my blog to know me but you don't take the time to know me in person. So hide in the closet. Just leave me to myself, i will figure out. If friends i can't have, i just have to make new ones.
Anyway, is late and have to think of Word and prepare of it. Is always a new experiences and new way path is made. I will stand for you Jesus and you alone. You deserve it all.
Amen,
