Dots

Hi,

My time is up. Everyday i think to myself, my purpose of living is to give glory to God. Things in my mind are beginning to make me crazy. A psychotic person i have become. Every person i turn to have face the other direction. They hide away. What real-ness i am be. I wish at times that death be faster on me. Leaving this world is good enough for me. Wishing to murder myself is such a ugly scene. I shall not do it, is such a ugly scene to do it. People around me will cry if i do it. Truly i have become schizophrenic. There to many things speaking in my head. I can't take it no more. I'm not healthy in the head. Seeing to much imagines is scary enough, it has become to real.

At times wish that all this is not real. I want to live myself. Every day i pass by myself sitting in the tree with a swing singing "ring a ring a roses". Scarring myself. What have i become? I want to live a tale behind me. I want people speaking of me. What have i become? Think of God and me seems so peaceful and real. Is like i can almost touch God. His cloths is soft as silk. His presences, destroying the darkness with His glory. To real, to real. What i have become? to think that i have no friends. Have i care for him/her the same as myself? Have i not share my life with you? have i give? have i help? What have i become?

This world spinning around me. It seems not real at all. Life seems so hard. And others is easy. Seeing what I'm not suppose to see, has been seen. My brain cells are not connecting with each other no more. Cause they love each other no more. The cells has a brain of itself. My heart beat, beats at every second. The seconds go by. Till it sounds like techno music. My eyes are scanning every person i see. What they truly made off? my hands and legs move, till it can move on it's own. My stomach has a mind of it's own. It tells me when it's hungry or thirsty. Going to toilet to pee or shit never seems so exhausting. Many times in my life i thought that I'm in the matrix. I'm willing to be plug out. And live a real life.

I guess this is a real life, where i can't run from. I can't change the past. Is only the present and the future. Living life. Can't get into comfort in life. Always on your toes. Like cling for dear life. I'm a unit, ready for war. Like Jason Bourne, always running to know his true identity. I'm searching to succeed in life. I must. destiny awaits for me. I shall walk through my mountain. And shall not be over come by the mountain. I will take what is rightfully mine. Life. Thank you God. Just speaking my heart out. clear mind.