Day Three: Live in Singapore

Hi,

Today, me, my parents and aunt went to the Singapore zoo. We took a train to Ang Mo Kai station and then take a bus to the zoo. The bus to take is 138. My parent were in God's hands because we got free tickets to go to the zoo because of my dad's friend offered all of us free tickets. Blessing to the pastor. haha

The zoo was totally amazing. I enjoyed myself a lot. There are no many cages in the zoo. The animals are very well behave. Saw quite a lot of animals from rare to special. I didn't see the shows because i think it is just a waste of time and you are seeing it do tricks, so no point.

It rain in the middle of the tour of the zoo, so we went to eat lunch while it rain. I thank God that it rain because it was so hot and my little nephew was being a real handfuls job. We needed the rest and he rested. Later we went to the water park. The kids enjoy themselves.

I spent in the zoo about 4 hours. Crazy right but it is really long. Believe me, if you go there, I'm sure you spent as much time as i spent there.

We come back around 530pm. We all slept. Around 7pm, we went to eat dinner in place that look like Asia Cafe. The food there is really good. It in Newton near Orchard. it was about 5 minute walk from our apartment. The food court is called newton market i think.

Anyway, i will post the picture went i get back. So till then nighty night. Coming home tomorrow around 5pm. Pray for me that i won't get sick. Amen

Singapore, it is not a place for me to stay. It is too structure. It feels that I'm being nanny-ed. It is not like Australia or America. I don't la. I feel that it is more for tourist in every level. If i get a Singapore girl i won't know how to deal with her, i'm serious. She will definitely structure me till i become crazy like them. Singapore girls are just nice and pretty to look at...other than that no.

I got to go, really tired.

love,

Day Two in Singapore

Hey,

I went to Sentosa island with my parents and aunt. There was nothing much to see in that island except went the new theme park is ready at 2010. Once you are at the island, the buses are free and it is fast. There is totally nothing to do there. Don't go there unless you like to see fish and beach and islands. Other then that there is nothing.

Later we went to Vivo City. Didn't do shopping. I really wanted but i had to take care of my little nephew which is a handful. I kinda like the mall here, it has that modern look and the level of art is to my liking. =)

The girls here are not bad looking. I dare say this...the girls here really know how to take care of their appearance and level of fashion. Huge plus points for the girls of Singapore and low points for the girls of Malaysia.

Dinner. My parents went to meet up some old friend. Went to eat to some famous wat ton mee shop which is quite good.

Came back to the apartment. Did some email checking and i went straight to the gym. Now back going to sleep now. Tomorrow will go be going to the zoo. I heard it is quite good. So will be going there tomorrow. Till then nighty night.

Love,

Not so Innocent

This Movie poster: G.I.JOE

This poster looks wrong.

The good guy at the bottom. Looks kinda horny. Looking at the girl boob. haha

I'm looking forward watching this show.

Live in Singapore...

Hi,

I am Singapore for the first time of my life. I woke up just in time to pack, eat breakfast and then go to the LCCT airport. All of that within 4 hours.

Arrived at the airport, me and my parents and my little nephew(baby) check-in. Waited for awhile in the airport for our turn to go on board the plane for about 1hour. My little nephew is following us because our maid don't want to work anymore and wants to leave straight away. My sister had no choice but to allow her son to follow us.

It was quite easy to take care of him. He is such a good boy. =)

Landed at Singapore around 4pm. Catch a train to City Hall to meet up with my parent church friend that has a apartment here.

Rest for awhile. The place here is very nice. I never seen a city so clean. It is even cleaner than where i'm staying in America. The place that we are staying is super near the train station and it is near the Orchard place.

Me, my parents and parent's friend brought us to Orchard road to eat dinner there. We went to eat some high class Singapore restaurant. The food is slightly better than Malaysia.

I kinda like it but i feel quite alone because I'm having Holiday with my parent and my parent's friends. Awkward. I will up load the pictures at the end of my trip. Tomorrow will be going to Sentosa(hope i spell correct).

See you guys in four days time till then nighty night. I'll be able to blog or check my mail because my parent's friend place has wifi and it is so much faster than Streamyx anytime.

I give you a hint who the my parent's friend that allow to stay in their apartment. My ex-gf. I think you guys pretty much know already.

Day one,

Warning! Pyromaniac in the House

Hey,

Sunday. God's day. I saw the glimpse of trusty hand-phone. It was telling me to wake up with it's buzzing noise and high vibrating. I quickly stop it and take a 2 minute together myself. I didn't sleep well again. It must be that there were to many thoughts going around my head. I guess pretty much you guys know me well.

I was feeling up beat about today Sunday service. I took a long shower, dress up nicely and wore a dull yellow that seems bright enough for everyone to see. I didn't follow my parents to Church. They had to go somewhere first. i had to follow my aunt to the Service.

Today my Church is having a combine service. How come? my dad is the senior pastor(stepping down) planted many centers throughout the area of Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. We have five centers in different places. From Kota Damansara to Puchong. The centers combine would give us less than a thousand people. Not bad. Why centers? It is because our church is actually cell base that we connect with people in a person level. Then we created a community or church center in that area, so the cell groups we have can meet up in the center we build near by them.

I enjoy myself personally. From the start to end, it was good. Word was strong and i think the people needed to hear that message.

After the service, all our youth from various centers went for a lunch date. Whole big brunch. Many enough to overcrowd that area. We all decided to go to A&W for lunch. When we went there, it was filled with many different CBC member. Young and Old. We cost the A&W to have good business.

when lunch is over. i didn't drive here, so i follow Suzanne car. The car was filled with me, David, Brenda, Zach and of course Suzanne. The many discussion about BGR began again. I don't mind this discussion but is there anything else better to talk about? (i think i'm going to get flamed).

I rest for awhile before going to basketball. I couldn't sleep again. I think there is something wrong with me or what?

I pick up David for basketball and we discuss a idea that i brought up. I do not want to share it here or anywhere else. It my plans. I thought of it. David i hope you do not reveal it to anyone else. David kinda like the idea i gave but he wants me to confirm with Aunt Jo.

Anyway, basketball had some small surprise. The first time that Suet Beng came for basketball. I think she wanted to just workout a little. Then many people started coming, many of them are the gang that used to play at USJ16 with us.

For me i didn't play so well. My outside shots are not accurate enough. i have to hit back to training again.

Night. i went out with aunt Su Min and family for dinner. They wanted to spent on me. We went to a place in ss19, the SJMC hospital. It was quite nice Italian food. Thank you Aunt Su Min for the lovely dinner, i enjoyed myself and the chit chat.

I'm going to sleep now. I'm really tired. Hope to see you guys some other time.

I'll be going to Singapore on Monday for four days. This trip is my first time there. I have never been there in my entire life for someone who has been to the other parts of the world. I have only been to Airport and it was for transit to another country. I'm quite excited about this trip at the same time quite unsure how it is going to turn out because i'm going with my parents and i think they are not over with the accident i made.

Anyway, Singapore here i come.

Oh i have updated my devotion blog already but i guess i can't post for four day. I will post up the each day went i get back from Singapore. I hope that God would speak to you went you read it.

I better sleep. I'm really tried and not enough sleep on my side. So nighty night. Another thing is that i miss playing with fire. The excitement. Wild flame. The yellow and red moves throughout the wind will always remain a mystery. The intense heat just warms me with it blessing. Fire you are my best friend. Time to make some fireworks or flames. Anyone with a lighter?

Cheers,

Hate the Hate in Me

Hi,

I couldn't sleep for these few days. My heart always racing away as i toss and turn in my bed. I close my eyes but it open for burst of tears to flow. I cannot bear it. There is to much guilt to fill the vacuum of space many times over. The feeling of hating myself builds it structure. Many times i have burn down this buildings in my heart. Telling myself that temple of the Holy Spirit live in me.

I rattle, twitter and shiver around myself as i cannot look for securely in any direction. I tell myself that there must more than this, Oh God. As i float in space of space, i wonder why i do mistakes to make things worse.

I have gone into my spiral of deluding myself having schizophrenia. I'm in a stage where i can't stop crying.

Deep down in me, i know i have to come out of it. I need to put myself together because I'm strong among others. The time now is 9am. No sleep. Non-stop tears. Feeling weak. I have to get out of bed. It was my day to take care of my little nephew of mine, Philip.

He came out of the car, look at me with eyes seeing eyes. He trigger himself in tears. He show insecurely to his mom. I too began to cry myself but i hold back because i need to be strong for my nephew. I took him from my sister arms. He didn't want to let go of his mom. I too wouldn't want to let go of my mom if i was his age. Why? security reasons. I have no idea why he doesn't trust me.

I wave my sister good-bye as she was leaving, my nephew imagine himself grabbing on his mother. More tears of loneliness journey down from his eyes. I place him on a chair and let him cry. I keep on telling him "i love you, Philip, I'm here to take care of you." Slowly he recover from his tears, look at me with his sober eyes, lift up his arms as he wanted me to carry him, i catch hold of him. I put him near my heart wanting him to feel my heart beat. He rest his head on my shoulder. I place my other hand on his back. We hug for a long while. Giving him a message of peace and love and care that he is going to receive from me.

It just the two of us in the house. Me and my nephew. I look at him and he look at me. I say "water?". He say "yes". He drinks with the feeling of wanting more. He gives me the smile that i cannot forget. It enlighten me so much that it made my day better. We spent our time watching television together as well playing. The fun between us was inseparable.

Lunch time. I was hungry since morning. I really wanted to eat. I thought to myself how am i going to buy food when i got him here? Should i take him out? I thought for a long time. The answer i got was a near by source which is my fridge had some left over food. I cooked for myself that extra food in the fridge by just microwaving it. He followed me everywhere.

Then he saw something in the kitchen. It had that glow in his eyes. He saw this huge red color cylinder shape as same size as his leg. This thing had a round face that has a moustaches and has seven letters written below it. He tried taking it with his own strength. He jumped. He tip-toe. He didn't give up. He wanted it so badly that he came to me pulling my pants at the same time pointing at it. His desire for it is lustful. In that moment i felt like a god giving the desire of people wants. I told him many times "no" with the commanding voice i have. No matter how much i say "no" to him. The level of persistence was twisting my arm.

I succumb to it and gave him what he wanted...Pringles original flavor.

He ate that for the whole 2 hours the time i was taking care of him. He enjoyed it to the maximum of his pleasure. I told him to take one at a time and he obeyed.

This story sounds so rememberable. It is the same in everyone lives. The things we ask from God. How many times God has let us twist his arm over things that we just like for few years and forget later. That is why God give only the ones that are in need and not in want. See the different.

Time fly by so fast. The amount of joy between me and him. My time was up to take care of him. My sister message me on my trusty hand-phone to bring him to the hairdresser in USJ11 near my house. My nephew was filled with even more joy because he gets the chance to go out. He got his shoes ready for me to wear it on his feet. He try taking the key from the door filled with keys. He was running in circles. Up and Down he went.

We walk to the hairdresser. He pointed at everything he saw and said "car, bus, car, bus, car, bus and bark bark." I tried teaching him to say van but he give me the silence treatment. He was really over excited that he saw his mommy. He didn't want to let go of her. He is such a mommy's boy. My sister asked the hairdresser to cut his hair. He some how understand what they are saying. He then started to cry. Giving no one the chance and i mean no one even the mother to touch his head with a pair of scissors in hand. He threw a tantrum. I and my sister look at him with that look. He stop after a period of time.

We went back to the house because my sister has to take some stuff that belongs to the maid we used to have. This maid that we have stopped working because we cannot take it anymore. But the way she work. Hundred percent you would shake your head too at her. She was the worse maid that we had then all the previous maids we had. The search for her stuff is cause much havoc. All of her stuff was everywhere in the house. here and there. Got the stuff together and my sister and my nephew are off to meet the maid.

I spent in the house sorting out my email and replying email and other Internet related work. After that i did some van cleaning. Instructed by my parents.

Late afternoon the mechanic called me. It was time to collect the car. It was time of emotion to set in again. I drove my dad and me. It was total silence between us. I gave him only one or two words that he ask me. The scare level was building inside of me again. I needed fresh air.

The total amount that i saw on the car repair was eye opening for me that i nearly fainted. I don't want to get into any accident anymore. It will be last for me forever. I cannot afford this event to happen. It is cost to much emotion thrown here and there and of course money.

All i wanted to do was to collect the car, go home, straight to my room, and start crying my hearts out. I totally did that. I gave what was apart of the bill that i need to paid my dad for the damage.

It was in time for me to just shower and wait a little while for Phuas to come get me for dinner. I tried pulling a happy face on myself. i think i did pretty well during our dinner date. I enjoy myself. In the end, Aunt Jo already knew what happen. She ask me whether i'm okay and all. I told her the whole story and how i'm feeling now.

Thank you Phuas for the lovely dinner that gave me, rest assure i really enjoyed myself, and I'm feeling much better now that all the problem has dissolve already. Once again, thank you.

I'm back home. Waiting to go to church tomorrow. Feeling very tried and ready for sleep. I'm sure that i'm going to have a good night sleep till then nighty night.

Love,

PS. Joel Paul Toh, you are stronger than this. Don't let situation get you down. You are a Child of God and trouble is always seeking to stike in time you most likely know. Evil will test you out. But remember that the God you believe in is stronger than all kinds of forces. Joel, you are the role-model to all people around you. Joel, you are unstoppable in all areas in your life now. Just keep going forward, no point looking back. Joel, you can do it.

Inconvenient Version of Paper Cuts

Hi,

It is a real busy day for me. It all started with me getting up on the wrong side of the bed. Massive headache for me. It was so painful that i couldn't move for few seconds. Pain. I didn't like my day because i felt anger in the air. I felt very fragile, weak and worse insecure.

Lunch. It was a family lunch. Not much words were between us. I myself didn't feel like talking at all not a word. My heart was always racing with guilt inside and putting myself i'm really in deep trouble.

Later my parents went for their hair cut, so i drop them off at their respected areas.

Backstory:

First of all, my dad is really angry about the car accident. If you are in my shoes, you would understand my position. i can tell you this that my parents don't like the slights crap out of me, if happen they will lecture me for days and you won't know the end. This has been happening since i was in school. From my grades to nonsense i did to car accidents. In a long run i some how manage to avoid such conflicts like this and told myself to be careful not to trigger it.

I got interrogated by my father. Asking me all sought of questions from people to church surrounding the accident. At the same time advising me all sought of things. In the end i don't know whether what to take in or out. I took all in whatever he said to me, keeping myself silence and only answering yes or no to him.

Later in the day, my parents went to see the car condition. The people say it was worse that before which got me angry. Telling me this problem fix alright the first place, now tell me another problem. Got me angry, my mom got angry and also my dad.

I thought to myself, i got myself into more trouble than before. My dad later told me that i have to paid for the repairs at least half. i said to myself "how am i going to pay this? the told is about 1500 over riggit."

After much talk with the mechanic, my dad told him to fix whatever need fixing and tell me the final price. They agree. We went off to another place to see my mom's close friend pass away.

I spend there crying and destroying myself in many ways. i couldn't take it. I never ask for this problem. WHY? WHY GOD? WHY DO THIS TO ME?!

Home. I quick run to my room and just lock myself in and just weep all over my room. Filling my room with tissue papers. Cry to God for a reason. It hurt me so badly. Death seems like my close friend now.

I didn't want to talk to anyone. Didn't answer my phone. I just cried till it was cell group.

In cell group, i told myself it was God's time now. I should let Him into me. I put a smile on my face. I personally enjoy cell group today. I think the cell group is slowly getting closer as knowing each other more personally. People were enjoying themselves. I could sense God was lifting the people spirits up.

After cell group we went to Aunt Jo house for some light supper. Chit chat.

Now i'm back home. Feeling like crying again. Tomorrow might be a long day for me. I'm going to take care of my little nephew personally one to one. It is going to be challenging which i'm ready for it. I thought to myself sooner or later i have to learn how to take care of a baby by myself. Hope my sister can place her trust on me.

I forgot to tell something. During the day around early afternoon like 2pm. There was a huge car accident. Between a toyota and a cement truck. The accident was pretty cool. The cement truck topple to it's side and the toyota backside got crash.

The backstory:

It was a red light so many cars were stopping already but this cement truck thought it can zoom pass the red light. The bad thing is that many people already stop in front already. So the cement truck couldn't stop in time and the driver didn't want to crash many cars so it brake all he can. The cement truck skidded and topple to it's side. Only one car got involve with the accident. It feel like a movie again. I still can remember the car accident that me and jay and some kids saw. That same feeling with this. IT was crazy. Thank God that there was nobody got injured or even killed.

Later the Police and Fire Brigade came to secure the seem. Many people got down to take picture and take picture with it.

Anyway, see you guys on Sunday or Saturday till then nighty night.

End,

God Delivers...YEA!!!

Hey,

I manage to get out of bed early for prayer. I didn't feel good because of yesterday problem. Me and David went to Suzanne house for the 40 day prayer thingy. The drive there i took it easy and a bit slow.

Reach there. The prayer mode was on for me. The first thing that came into my mind was to turn to Colossians. i turn to that book at the first verse i saw in that book was chapter 2 verse 1. I felt that way. I think God is telling me that He is struggling to get into my life. That whole morning God was just speaking to me that how much i was away from Him in this past 2 months. There was so much guilt in me. It was overflowing inside out of me. I burst into tears quietly.

Once i sent David home. I just burst into tears in my car all the way to my room till i fall asleep again.

I wake up around 11am. I prayed like never before. I prayed till i couldn't feel my body. I just talk away. Before i was awake. I think God gave me some bad dreams, not nightmare. Just bad ones. It was always a room, someone walking to the entrance of the room and turning off the lights and left the room. The bad dream was into a loop till i wake up. God was telling me that i was drowning in sin. Guilt.

I try to gather myself and take a shower. Eat cereal for breakfast. Took some deep breath and call my dad. i manage to get through to him and i told him the whole thing.

Later i went to the AAM workshop to find out the cost of the repair. i thank God that these people really work fast. They see the problem, discuss and gave me the total price. Call dad to discuss some more.

Hang around there for awhile till it was time to pick up mom and dad from the airport. Drive home and went back to the workshop to see the parts arrive. Seems alright. Dad gave the green lights to work on it. The car should be done by tomorrow afternoon.

Went home. Took a long shower. Went out for dinner with my sister which just came back from Singapore and my parents. The dinner conversation was about the maid we have that wants to quit after just working with us for six months. It was a lot of negative things about the maid and she was quite bad also. Like didn't do much work. Did half work here and there. The list can go on.

Come home. I was in total blank-out. Super tired. Watch tv got my head spinning. Now i'm going to sleep. Hope tomorrow is better days ahead of me. Till then nighty night and God bless.

Power,